mind & heart = spirit

There are times during the week where I would just break down. Not knowing what there is left to do, id sit down by the pond in a park like I am now and just watch the water glistening and flowing.  When you’ve thought all there is to think and you’ve spoken all there is to speak sometimes the best u can do is just sit and listen and feel  And just let it out. It’s okay to feel like this.  It’s okay to not want to speak to anyone for a month straight  It’s okay to feel as if you aren’t doing enough. Because to suppress such thoughts would be ignoring your instinct. And nothing is as suffocating as that feels  Times like these help me to reset. To start from square one. To reconsider what it is that you value after thinking about having nothing  And most times it may feel like you are never enough or that you have to be riding this train called time , constantly being pushed to the next thing  But you don’t. Because to not feel life ...

death seems like such an avoided subject because ofcourse, we dont know anything about it. And thinking about it is absolutely terrifying (for me). A world where everything you've known, everything you have built for yourself is gone. When the oblivion is so intense that all you can imagine is darkness and lack of structure, order or anything to latch on to. A world where you don't even know if a world exists, a world where you might just be solitary and trapped. Or not. I can't quite point out what terrifies me the most. Maybe it is the thought of losing things and people. Maybe it is the loss of consciousness and awareness of these things and people. Maybe it is the thought that there's so much to see. Or the thought that no matter how much I see, all memories will perhaps cease to exist?

Every thought that we have, every emotion that we feel. In the moment, it might seem like such huge impacts to our lives, when in reality every reaction that we have to anything is a reaction to our specific circumstances, and we react to things the way that we were wired to react (destiny?), reactions that will ensure survival whether that be social, physical or mental. We humans think of our selves as these intelligent beings that are no where near as primitive as other animals or plants. However, taking into account natural selection and evolution, we are simply results of various adaptations over history. The system that we use; businesses, economics, society, education etc, all these concepts at a glance seem to isolate us from other animals making us feel special. However, if we think of ourselves as mere biological beings, these social constructs can appear redundant. All of the things that we create and all the problems we seem to worry about appear small. And every sin...