mind & heart = spirit

my mind travels back and forth between future and past how it will feel when all this is gone when i am disassociated from my sense of self an overwhelming amount of discomfort as i imagine all of what i know disappear, along with the spirit that can be aware of it all a flip of the coin reveals an urge to explore to ease this uncertainty seeing all the crevices of this earth to be able to one day be one with it all to accept the nature of death

some thoughts what ive been holding on to this whole time this image of my life this perfect world my perfect life and sense of self will all disappear eventually this world that ive been hoping for myself this world that ive created in my head will disappear with the dawn of time and eventually, all will turn to white or whatever color my energy prefers every pleasure, every pain will no longerer be attached to this body only the energy that was transformed during this life will gravitate to new places or dimensions how much i fear death the burden it carries around me just shows im not ready yet to see the break of new life i want to get to a place where im comfortable with the idea of no self live fully the way my true energy desires not distracted by time consuming things focusing on what serves me and others that helps this universe transform that helps me get an inch closer to being okay with 'the end' right now it all seems unimagineabl

all you are experiencing now that's just relativity another person's mind is a different dimension we navigate through each others perception this mindset is the core of empathy we can't take off each other's lenses we can only swim through surface-level and language

i guess i just don't worry as much about stuff that hits on a human level i'm more worried about the organism level, what this all means what it actually is at the core shopping, position, surface level relationship rules, hobbies and bragging these are all just social phenomena, that if you just look at objectively really do not matter it's more about what makes you and others feel good and I guess thats what i hold value in the most Ofcourse, these things may make us feel good in the moment, and really that's all that matters. no need to attach yourself to them though if they aren't making you feel good. touching music, loyal friendships, learning/understanding, family, feeling and thought beauty, art, expression, giving, abundance, evolution, peace and harmony, individuality  these are what are at the core, these are the things i seek

I've spent so many hours beating myself up over something I didn't do all the decisions I've made in the moment This feeling of guilt and lack of accomplishment really taking over me stunting my progress But once in a while, learn to forgive yourself That you are human and the decisions you made in that moment is what was what you felt in that moment Instead, I'm focusing on what I can do right now, how I'm going to make progress towards what matters to me, and plan to recreate new habits to replace the bad habits I have recognised.