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unfinished: still fearing death

some thoughts
what ive been holding on to this whole time
this image of my life
this perfect world
my perfect life
and sense of self
will all disappear eventually

this world that ive been hoping for myself
this world that ive created in my head
will disappear with the dawn of time

and eventually, all will turn to white
or whatever color my energy prefers

every pleasure, every pain
will no longerer be attached to this body
only the energy that was transformed
during this life
will gravitate to new places or dimensions

how much i fear death
the burden it carries around me
just shows im not ready yet
to see the break of new life

i want to get to a place
where im comfortable with the idea of no self
live fully the way my true energy desires
not distracted by time consuming things
focusing on what serves me and others
that helps this universe transform
that helps me get an inch closer
to being okay with 'the end'

right now it all seems unimagineable
ive rarely felt enough of what i need to
ive rarely soaked all of it in
to feel that passion

it is not the work that you do
but the journeys and paths you take
the overall contribution
but also the everyday feeling

no longer letting that fear drive me to
hopeless
there's things i can do to be at ease
to help me understand
to motivate me to live with all that i can

these material things really don't matter to me
anymore
this sense of self
this image of a perfect me
that i carry
will all be gone if i do not execute anything
that is what drives me
to move with my own current, my own energy
rather than living in reference to others
and what they expect from me

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