mind & heart = spirit

my mind travels back and forth between future and past how it will feel when all this is gone when i am disassociated from my sense of self an overwhelming amount of discomfort as i imagine all of what i know disappear, along with the spirit that can be aware of it all a flip of the coin reveals an urge to explore to ease this uncertainty seeing all the crevices of this earth to be able to one day be one with it all to accept the nature of death

some thoughts what ive been holding on to this whole time this image of my life this perfect world my perfect life and sense of self will all disappear eventually this world that ive been hoping for myself this world that ive created in my head will disappear with the dawn of time and eventually, all will turn to white or whatever color my energy prefers every pleasure, every pain will no longerer be attached to this body only the energy that was transformed during this life will gravitate to new places or dimensions how much i fear death the burden it carries around me just shows im not ready yet to see the break of new life i want to get to a place where im comfortable with the idea of no self live fully the way my true energy desires not distracted by time consuming things focusing on what serves me and others that helps this universe transform that helps me get an inch closer to being okay with 'the end' right now it all seems unimagineabl

all you are experiencing now that's just relativity another person's mind is a different dimension we navigate through each others perception this mindset is the core of empathy we can't take off each other's lenses we can only swim through surface-level and language

i guess i just don't worry as much about stuff that hits on a human level i'm more worried about the organism level, what this all means what it actually is at the core shopping, position, surface level relationship rules, hobbies and bragging these are all just social phenomena, that if you just look at objectively really do not matter it's more about what makes you and others feel good and I guess thats what i hold value in the most Ofcourse, these things may make us feel good in the moment, and really that's all that matters. no need to attach yourself to them though if they aren't making you feel good. touching music, loyal friendships, learning/understanding, family, feeling and thought beauty, art, expression, giving, abundance, evolution, peace and harmony, individuality  these are what are at the core, these are the things i seek

I've spent so many hours beating myself up over something I didn't do all the decisions I've made in the moment This feeling of guilt and lack of accomplishment really taking over me stunting my progress But once in a while, learn to forgive yourself That you are human and the decisions you made in that moment is what was what you felt in that moment Instead, I'm focusing on what I can do right now, how I'm going to make progress towards what matters to me, and plan to recreate new habits to replace the bad habits I have recognised.

I told myself I wouldn't cry this time But I can't hold the tears Passersby watching me As I get off the train, bawling This time it feels more real than before Like I can truly let myself free No more restrictions No longer holding on to a past me I feel more awake now These emotions more controlled Maybe it's an illusion But it feels real for now I don't mind really I don't need to hold onto past shit that have wilted way Growth in opposing directions I've always been growing Heading towards light in some twisted way I might have rough days But it just.. feels right I'd rather be true on my own Than fake in a crowd That's where I find security Till I can find someway out I keep waiting for a text Always seeking for connection I'm human after all It's what we're wired to do The disappointment that comes from these reliances These expectations for more But none will be enough I have closure now To a pa

they ask me what i do to pass the time but it never has been like that for me i never just 'pass the time', i never want to live that, trying to get away from the reality of silence and stillness just for the sake of it, for the sake of a hobby and i hate beating myself up for not being interesting enough to not have some kind of cool hobby that means alot and that people think is wow I'm so caught up trying to be mentally present and rewiring my habits and thought processes right now. So when they ask me how I spend time, isomehow i just answer... nothing much, but really, it is everything... im twisitng and turning through my life and feeling it for what it is... that is my hobby. i cannot put that into boxes of categories or sugar coat it  even if i wanted to, because it would lose its meaning.

these changes that are happening, you'll never ever be able to fully experience again and soon you will just be a result, an effect, of these small realizations. so embrace that moment right now where you are feeling all these feelings, thinking all these thoughts that will once make up a piece of that puzzle of who you are becoming because these overwhelming emotions will not only just be distant memories they will become a part of you that'll soon be unfathomable

because you cannot wait to do these things, soon it will be too late attitudes and beliefs are not something that you plan, the perspective that you have towards something is not something you can write in a journal and tuck away to reflect on later. Of course goals can be planned and different ways to achieve them can be thought of. But the beliefs and visions that you have of how you want to carry yourself, what kind of person you want to be, what you believe to be right... these things are not something you logically ponder over and decide, thats it! its the accumulation of all these thoughts and experiences you have, the building up of yourself. Who you are is the awareness of the way your thoughts work how you decide to think or act in that particular present moment. it is not who you want to be or who you think you will be in the future. it is what you are now and whether you make the changes or not become the person that you wish to be.

He taught me the after-effects of life before I even got to live them To be cautious of all there is to come before I even started walking To see the final intentions of people, a dull view on human spirit I became the autobiography of another lost soul But really the truth is I needed to live out my own truths to separate my mind from the other To find the me and not relive you I wanted to follow your wishes because we saw eye to eye But i was blind to the path you walked only looking at what's become I took the products of your heartache And used your words as a valid source I gave into logical introspection Without looking up at all But when I look at the patterns of my mind I owe all the virtues to you You taught me its okay to keep seeking Even if there's no such things as truth

Creation is basically telling your story... Looking at the world through your perspective, each individual piecing together a small fraction of a whole We are fully complete, each individual,  because we are part of something bigger and we contribute to that every day. Its all about relatability at the core, that sense of release- that feeling of relief when you listen to a soothing song, when you see a relatable post, when you see a movie that touches you... this is connection through expression, other creators letting you know that this experience is all of ours. the vulnerabilities and the tough times, the interesting perspectives of life, the lessons learnt To try to understand, and bettering our quality of survival through these connections Creation of stories, telling people they're not the only ones. This is what we get pleasure from and what makes the overwhelming state of things a lot easier.

the type of content i'd like to create in the future, through my work..  things that are relatable and not about extravagant objects, rare holidays.  don't get me wrong, these things are nice. but its about the every day things in life, things that could be tough, not all about the good stuff. We face stuff all the time that isn't sugar coated like the pictures you may see on the stories of insta models.  this is the stuff that reality is made of.  to be able to support each other and connect with one another within this life that may appear to be boring from thrill-seekers.  to be able to promote positive mindsets that matter to me  some bodies of work (especially favourite artists and content creators) really speak to me on a personal level, make life a little easier to live, talks about the reality of stuff... that's the kind of work i would like to do. eliminating wishful thinking- expression of what it is than what could be... putting that energy out there

we're all confused about what the hell we are doing in this world. At least I am... But one thing that I'm pretty clear about is that we are all confused together. If one person had the answers we all would. Although we do not have answers, we can spend time together in what may be the pointlessness of life or the meaningfulness of it- discussing its intriguing features as if its this mystery, this puzzle that's waiting to be solved. But to expect that connection from understanding is one thing. Without willing to truly understand and empathize with others, to let down your guard and your biases to try to understand another person is how you understand the world and social phenomena, why people behave the way that they do, why they may be lacking the connection you think you deserve.  You can't expect to receive any kind of understanding or empathy without first being in the vibration to give that to other people. We're all just waiting for the other person

A reasonable distance, trusting the right people with my vulnerability Do not trust the people that will use this against you, to manipulate you and make you feel small  those who do not try to be on your level to understand  Instead of latching onto these people and things, and playing mind games, passiveness, social media arguments...  focus on self, what you do best  working on the craft of your life  focusing on radiating energy that you want to see in the world  everything is what you draw your attention to, what you choose to see in every circumstance  By doing what you love, you will attract the people that love the same thing  You wont have to focus on things that do not matter to you  This is how you find the right vibrations, right communities  You dont have aligned interest right now. Find that.  Invest your time in creating a world for yourself and others who feel the same things you do, that relate.  Maintaining old friendship based off of

i wonder if its always going to be like this forever aimlessly wondering what it is that i can do, not sure whats right always hesitating, and regretting when i take a step toward any direction, thinking of the other steps i couldve taken in a million other different directions visions i have but unable to see concrete results because they're such abstract goals I know there are things I can do I know I have things to give Something I can contribute To be good at.

not quite sure what i want from this life anymore i just want to feel those pure emotions so sick of layer upon layer of negativity and doubt and complexity im not quite sure whether i will live the life i want im not even sure what it is that i want i can make up visions and possible dreams, but i dont know how much joy i get out of them because im trying so hard to gain joy from what seems mundane intially thats the thing with mindfulness and presence. you lose sense of ambition and wanting to go elsewhere, completely content with where you are my feet arent quite stable on the ground and my intentions might not always be wise and many many days i feel lost and worried that im not thinking about the future more that my goals arent clear cut following instinct is hard when things take time that leaves time to rethink about the process whether any of this is worth it but the truth is none of this is really real your 'accomplishments' will fade with tim

heres a thought. what if we were all able to freely explore this life being completely aware of the processes occurring to us. And passively observing things that are not apparently within our control. If we observe life flexibly, knowing the cause and effect of the general idea of things. Everything will lose serious meaning. A fight with your friend. But both of you are aware that this anger stems from irrational self protection or lack of ability to accept an alternative option. This level of self-awareness will allow us to not only forgive ourselves for the things that we experience but be able to consciously alter our responses to things. Our world is so distracted in the surviving part. Just passing by. Just paying the rent. Just finding work. Even things that appear to be free are not. Passion is masked by want to succeed. Authenticity masked by the people we are meant to be. Ambition is thought to be admirable in western culture, why? Selflessness is thought to be

Not seeing the results of an action may be one of the most frustrating things, but also the most thrilling. When you agree to do something, you never truly can accurately predict the exact events of what is going to happen. We may go into something expecting what others tell you they have experienced, but your interpretation of events will always be different. And not only for you, but others involved will be affected by you in ways that have never occurred to them before. The unpredictable uncertainty that can come from this may be unsettling for some, but for others a thrill. You never truly know the outcome of any given situation unless you have gone through it. That’s why I make it my goal to expose myself to as much as possible. Let myself be transformed in ways that others may not expect, and to not let my pride get in the way of that. Be freely and flexibly changed by the situation while still holding my true principles to not let me be completely led astray by external

Social media is one of those tools that has been embedded in to our everyday habits. Most of us use it every day and we have no idea what it is doing to our mental health. And most times we're reluctant to address any of it, because on the surface it seems very harmless to us. Just another form of entertainment and communication. There's so many layers as to what social media and digital communication can do to us on a biological level. The most common among young adults is comparison with ideal norms. Constant stimulation of what is defined as ideal or popular or 'goals' makes us forever chase such unrealistic standards as we try to replicate them. And sure, it might be a source of inspiration, but when social media usage becomes excessive we're in a continuous cycle of consumption, our perception of the world taking over any motivation to take action. just because i know you, that doesn't make it a given that i am inspired by you, instagram. lazy crea

We become so bitter as we get older So desperately in need of love Yet so reluctant to give it Experience adds understanding But along with it comes doubt Tiptoeing hesitantly in indecisiveness Losing the purity from the past As pressure pushes us to pursue prospective paths So much confusion passed off as being lost Victimizing ourselves to feel better Not coming to face the core of the sore Everyday, looking for answers, blindfolded Searching for more in pure feeling The mind desperately trying to find sense Making shapes out of the shapeless

i have voices inside my head but then i have a consciousness over that voice inside my head that tells me that these are just voices inside my head. its tiring

Gravity feels just same old same old Waking up sometimes feels a dream a cycle of thoughts a distant buzz in the background soon drowns you out the puzzling nature of the mind no one understands it all no matter how much we try to categorize it to put into little boxes to tie those boxes together to warp them together the mind has a mind of its own so many do a good job to reveal aspects of it aspects that resonate with others but we never see the same side of the sphere only the parts where perceptions overlap do we really connect with one another

I have these visions that I put out into the universe. 'I have so many things I want to do, but I just don't have the time to do it.' The constant, habitual cycle of putting a vision out there and not following it. Letting the culture, the 'flow of life', the passive interactions, the instantaneous pleasures get in the way of those visions. But many of the things I say I want to do, I don't seek those to gain surface-level satisfactions. At least for the most important core-value ones. For these true, genuine goals, I don't say I want to achieve these things for the recognition of the label. I speak out of a genuine curiosity, a want to see what that experience is like. To want to know how it feels. To be able to explore the world and its connections. To gain understanding for my own clarity and for others. To gain some sense of harmony from this clarity-- a constant cycle of acting out of love, for eachother and from eachother. To test the limits of

Ah, another demon inside me. A quite rather complicated one. The social trend of 'self-care' focuses on self and putting yourself first. People, especially young people, are so affected by the opinions and values of people around them that they lose touch of their authentic self--what makes that individual unique, what they want to change in the world, what they truly want from this journey of life. There is a certain magical quality in looking within yourself what you sought to find in others' validation or external circumstances. It's learning to face that uncertainty, learning that it's okay, and digging deeper to find those core values that you've always had. But with this comes the risk of misinterpreting this quest for individualism and independence. It's the path towards selfishness and habituation of self-serving actions that often makes our journey come to a dead end. And I definitely have approached this dead end many times. Because when I use

When I reflect on my life, I think of how little I take responsibility for my own actions. And not just my past actions but also how this affects how I live my life now. I think not being able to take responsibility is one of the main sources of my indecisive nature. I always feel that if I make one decision, I will be missing the opportunity for another. So I always turn to external sources to shape my decision for me. Don't get me wrong, researching and listening to others' experiences for inspiration is important. But when this becomes a source of dependency and habitual reliance, a requirement for decision making, then its a problem. Coming to terms with this feels very difficult and conflicting for me. I'd like to think I base my judgment off of my own true values and beliefs. But I've come to realize that not accepting and acknowledging my emotional immaturity in this area is not effective for my growth. Thinking of the more deeper root as to why I rely on t

The world is moving so fast, i cant keep up  Im not sure what to do anymore  Life gets so overwhelming sometimes  I often feel like i am suffocating. I cannot breathe  Always being watched  Constantly something i have to do  Trying to pull it together but often falls apart  Where do we go from here  What truth am i supposed to see  So so so lost  And afraid to admit it  Shame on top of shame piling up on each other  The guilt of a bad day  With only myself to monitor  Hoping for better days  But hoping that i stop hoping for better days  apparently i'm not supposed to feel this way always the victim but at the same time i should follow my instincts the burden of choice i guess this is the "strength" of a mind the weak and confused are left behind Certainty conquers the material world Being intimidated by the calmness of others Mind in frantic hurry  A search for something that’s supposed to exist within me  Back to

Something I've noticed after losing touch with technology for a short while is my habit of constant consumption.  I've recently realised that I actually struggle in silence. And not just auditory silence, but the silence of everything. Silence of the mind. I guess another term to put it is boredom. The time interval between school and work. The morning commute. The couple hours before sleep. The moments after waking up. I have this tendency to want to fill every 'empty' space with noise . So I turn to social media and trying to distract myself with other people's lives, subconsciously wishing I was some place else. Getting caught up in what the world is providing me with, instead of thinking about what I could provide to the world. But with my usual cycling of thoughts during this silence, putting my electronics down for a second, I noticed that that silence is not empty at all. In fact it teaches you so much more than any app ever could. Lessons about yourself

There's so many things I want to do. That I want to experience. I want to live a life of color and vibrancy. I want to be able to look back on this life and truly say that I experienced it all. But there's greed to that statement. There's the assumption that tasks and skills are something you can just check off a checklist and be done with. The assumptions that these things don't hold more than just words or stories to tell. It's never that way. To do something you want to do requires time and effort. Overcoming difficult emotions and thoughts. Prioritisation , sacrificing immediate pleasures to really put in time into that something. Because the things we ACTUALLY want to do is because we see value in and treasure the lessons and experiences that task has the potential to give us. Once I really think about these, I can cross off those things that are merely wishful thinking. Sometimes its hard. Sometimes I feel like I will never really get to those high-rea

We’ve all heard so many affirmations like everything will be okay. It’ll all get better eventually. The light at the end of the tunnel. Just hang in there. All of these reassurances are based off of the present reality not being what you want it to be. The assumption that you are not satisfied with what is happening in your life right now. That you have to go through some kind of suffering, a debt, to achieve that something you want. On the surface, this may be true. Nothing ever truly worth it comes easy. You are never given a one-way ticket to success. And sometimes facing that reality is what a lot of people struggle with when achieving their goals. And the light at the end of the tunnel is supposed to be some kind of motivation, knowing that things will get better once we get passed this suffering. As if every struggle in itself will dissipate once you’ve attained that one thing you are working towards. But personally I feel like that puts so much burden on every day life

I think I have a tendency to want to control other people’s lives. It may sound selfish when I see it this way, but I like to think that it’s a subconscious motive that originates in how I see my life and others. I like to think that what we put out in the world can be overall generalized as ‘energy’. I converse with people, I share things and do certain things with the intent of putting out ‘positive energy’. Hoping that an exchange of opinions or values or forms of expression will assist the people around me to grow in a desirable manner, to grow as a whole. But sometimes I get carried away. I get into these habitual cycles of sharing certain things or strongly stating my point of view in an effort to change people’s view entirely. This is when the line crosses over to selfish. This is something that I am willing to fix every day. This is something that takes gradual compromise, empathy and understanding. Moreover, this is the source of these things. We are unable t

Don't suffer from questioning about what it is we are actually doing on this earth and how things just 'happen'. Think of this curiosity as a beautiful thing. There are so many pieces to this puzzle that you can find along the way. The bigger picture can be intimidating sometimes. But you can't look at the disassembled puzzle and give up or feel shit because not everything is in the place from the start. You have the time. You can solve these things step by step, truly experiencing every realization that life has to offer. And I feel that what you could find out while solving these things is that there is something more than the mere satisfaction of completion beyond that finish line. Maybe you'll see that there is no such thing as a finish line, there's no such thing as everything being ‘over’. Everything might just be transformed and strangely connected. Don’t attach yourself so much to what you do or do not have. Let it flow. Embrace that flow despite emoti

No, we will never be able to completely understand eachother’s thoughts. We are such unique beings, a result of our circumstances and more. Everything we have ever experienced, everything we have ever created has led us to this point. Becoming stagnant is comfortable. It is safe. But I feel like we are on this earth to learn more and explore unexplored territories. There is so much we do not know. Of the world and of each other. There is so much each of us is capable of, on our own and through cooperation. Each person has so much to contribute to, we are all part of one giant body, contributing our strengths and giving our own insights from our analysis of the world and our circumstances. Life is so beautiful. There is ofcourse things that make it seem otherwise in the moment. Things that you may view as bad may occur to you in your life. But the beauty within that, is that this response is so flexible. We humans are able to twist our minds and play around with it through our

I look at my surroundings and wonder why I complain Though this is me today, t hese days have no rain When I’m going through discomfort It’s hard to see clearly My emotions and thoughts, t hey start to deceive me They trick me to think, that I should feel this way No way I say, Could I see light in these days Days when its hard to speak out of love When your feeling the struggle you say ‘you don’t deserve’. But your mind can be just as free, as it is restrictive If you take a step back, feel all the constrictions Observe your mind As it takes over you You’ll see patterns of thoughts that turn those days blue If you just let it all go You’re a blank canvas, all anew.  

Looking back on all that I've done, I realise the amount of things that I didnt do because  of fear and discomfort. I have a tendency to stay in my comfort zone because its safe and in this place I would face no humiliation or ‘conflict against my character’. I realized, with opportunities that I’ve been given, how much I have turned it down because ‘it wasn’t me’ or because I had never done it before. This is a result of me completely relying on my past to decide my present actions. Recently I’ve realized that this is all backwards. Why was me not doing something in the past a legitimate reason for me not trying it now? If I always faced problems in this way I will NEVER grow. Because the only way I will grow is through discomfort. I had been completely relying on my circumstances to dictate how much growth will occur in my life, relying on other people’s opinion or what they think I should for how I should act (ALL THE TIME) This type of dependency was rooted in my inse

Recently my relationship with the word ‘loneliness’ and ‘being alone’ has changed. I’ve always thought of myself pretty comfortable with being by myself, sometimes too comfortable to the point that I’d sometimes get irritated by other people. But I feel like that was a different kind of “loneliness”. In this state of mind, I always thought that I was alone because being with other people would exhaust me. ‘They wouldn’t understand me anyway’ or ‘they only care about themselves, whats the point’. I would attempt to purposefully isolate myself from everyone else because I was ‘too different’ or thought that nobody understood. I guess in a sense that is true. No one is able to understand exactly what you are going through. But this is not a reason to isolate yourself completely from those around you. We as humans can interact and share thoughts in different aspects even if we are unable to completely comprehend how the other one feels. We are all so unique and so different and

There are times during the week where I would just break down. Not knowing what there is left to do, id sit down by the pond in a park like I am now and just watch the water glistening and flowing.  When you’ve thought all there is to think and you’ve spoken all there is to speak sometimes the best u can do is just sit and listen and feel  And just let it out. It’s okay to feel like this.  It’s okay to not want to speak to anyone for a month straight  It’s okay to feel as if you aren’t doing enough. Because to suppress such thoughts would be ignoring your instinct. And nothing is as suffocating as that feels  Times like these help me to reset. To start from square one. To reconsider what it is that you value after thinking about having nothing  And most times it may feel like you are never enough or that you have to be riding this train called time , constantly being pushed to the next thing  But you don’t. Because to not feel life as it is in the moment is worse th

death seems like such an avoided subject because ofcourse, we dont know anything about it. And thinking about it is absolutely terrifying (for me). A world where everything you've known, everything you have built for yourself is gone. When the oblivion is so intense that all you can imagine is darkness and lack of structure, order or anything to latch on to. A world where you don't even know if a world exists, a world where you might just be solitary and trapped. Or not. I can't quite point out what terrifies me the most. Maybe it is the thought of losing things and people. Maybe it is the loss of consciousness and awareness of these things and people. Maybe it is the thought that there's so much to see. Or the thought that no matter how much I see, all memories will perhaps cease to exist?

Every thought that we have, every emotion that we feel. In the moment, it might seem like such huge impacts to our lives, when in reality every reaction that we have to anything is a reaction to our specific circumstances, and we react to things the way that we were wired to react (destiny?), reactions that will ensure survival whether that be social, physical or mental. We humans think of our selves as these intelligent beings that are no where near as primitive as other animals or plants. However, taking into account natural selection and evolution, we are simply results of various adaptations over history. The system that we use; businesses, economics, society, education etc, all these concepts at a glance seem to isolate us from other animals making us feel special. However, if we think of ourselves as mere biological beings, these social constructs can appear redundant. All of the things that we create and all the problems we seem to worry about appear small. And every sin