On being alone and self-growth

Recently my relationship with the word ‘loneliness’ and ‘being alone’ has changed.

I’ve always thought of myself pretty comfortable with being by myself, sometimes too comfortable to the point that I’d sometimes get irritated by other people. But I feel like that was a different kind of “loneliness”. In this state of mind, I always thought that I was alone because being with other people would exhaust me. ‘They wouldn’t understand me anyway’ or ‘they only care about themselves, whats the point’. I would attempt to purposefully isolate myself from everyone else because I was ‘too different’ or thought that nobody understood. I guess in a sense that is true. No one is able to understand exactly what you are going through. But this is not a reason to isolate yourself completely from those around you.

We as humans can interact and share thoughts in different aspects even if we are unable to completely comprehend how the other one feels. We are all so unique and so different and have so much to share with the world. We click with some more than others due to a shared experience or interest. We may hang out with someone more one week than the next. People can be inspiring. You can learn from virtually anyone.

But one thing that I’m sure of is that “me time” is also crucial. This is the time when you truly reflect on what you have done, what you are doing and what you can do to realize your potential. This is the time you are given (A GIFT) to focus on your craft and provide what you have the potential to give in this world. This is the time when you are allowed to decide whether to run towards instant gratification or face those problems or tasks that need to be addressed. Many of us choose the former because ‘life is too hard’ or ‘I just don’t feel it’. Along with this, for me, I would use my state of loneliness to fall into self-pity and depression, this inevitably killing my motivation to do anything. 

However, I think it is our ability to face this and to CONQUER IT that makes actually achieving it WORTH IT. If everything was breeze, there would be no value to it. If we are constantly ignoring what needs to be done and choosing the easier option, sure, itll be fun at the start, but those things will be even more daunting in your head and there will be an exponential growth of self-indulging behavior, along with exponential decrease of motivation.

And don’t get me wrong. Family, friends, and social connection are actually very vital for our mental health in general (as I said above, you can learn from human interaction). But you shouldn’t feel PRESSURED to be connected all the time, although social media does make this tempting. You should cherish the days you DON’T have plans, because those are the days when you can really find out how you behave without external factors pushing you. You can observe yourself and see if you run to instant gratification or actually face those problems.

So now I don’t see being alone as a CONSEQUENCE of me pushing people away or of my flaws or my lack of inability to maintain social connections. I see this as an OPPORTUNITY that the world is giving me to perfect my craft, to discover new roads and learn self-discipline, self control and truly reflect on how my mind works. And maybe all those people around you might be doing the exact same thing, you just don’t know it. (And the people that deserve to stay in your life are those that you can share this journey with!)