mind & heart = spirit

I told myself I wouldn't cry this time But I can't hold the tears Passersby watching me As I get off the train, bawling This time it feels more real than before Like I can truly let myself free No more restrictions No longer holding on to a past me I feel more awake now These emotions more controlled Maybe it's an illusion But it feels real for now I don't mind really I don't need to hold onto past shit that have wilted way Growth in opposing directions I've always been growing Heading towards light in some twisted way I might have rough days But it just.. feels right I'd rather be true on my own Than fake in a crowd That's where I find security Till I can find someway out I keep waiting for a text Always seeking for connection I'm human after all It's what we're wired to do The disappointment that comes from these reliances These expectations for more But none will be enough I have closure now To a pa

they ask me what i do to pass the time but it never has been like that for me i never just 'pass the time', i never want to live that, trying to get away from the reality of silence and stillness just for the sake of it, for the sake of a hobby and i hate beating myself up for not being interesting enough to not have some kind of cool hobby that means alot and that people think is wow I'm so caught up trying to be mentally present and rewiring my habits and thought processes right now. So when they ask me how I spend time, isomehow i just answer... nothing much, but really, it is everything... im twisitng and turning through my life and feeling it for what it is... that is my hobby. i cannot put that into boxes of categories or sugar coat it  even if i wanted to, because it would lose its meaning.

these changes that are happening, you'll never ever be able to fully experience again and soon you will just be a result, an effect, of these small realizations. so embrace that moment right now where you are feeling all these feelings, thinking all these thoughts that will once make up a piece of that puzzle of who you are becoming because these overwhelming emotions will not only just be distant memories they will become a part of you that'll soon be unfathomable

because you cannot wait to do these things, soon it will be too late attitudes and beliefs are not something that you plan, the perspective that you have towards something is not something you can write in a journal and tuck away to reflect on later. Of course goals can be planned and different ways to achieve them can be thought of. But the beliefs and visions that you have of how you want to carry yourself, what kind of person you want to be, what you believe to be right... these things are not something you logically ponder over and decide, thats it! its the accumulation of all these thoughts and experiences you have, the building up of yourself. Who you are is the awareness of the way your thoughts work how you decide to think or act in that particular present moment. it is not who you want to be or who you think you will be in the future. it is what you are now and whether you make the changes or not become the person that you wish to be.

He taught me the after-effects of life before I even got to live them To be cautious of all there is to come before I even started walking To see the final intentions of people, a dull view on human spirit I became the autobiography of another lost soul But really the truth is I needed to live out my own truths to separate my mind from the other To find the me and not relive you I wanted to follow your wishes because we saw eye to eye But i was blind to the path you walked only looking at what's become I took the products of your heartache And used your words as a valid source I gave into logical introspection Without looking up at all But when I look at the patterns of my mind I owe all the virtues to you You taught me its okay to keep seeking Even if there's no such things as truth

Creation is basically telling your story... Looking at the world through your perspective, each individual piecing together a small fraction of a whole We are fully complete, each individual,  because we are part of something bigger and we contribute to that every day. Its all about relatability at the core, that sense of release- that feeling of relief when you listen to a soothing song, when you see a relatable post, when you see a movie that touches you... this is connection through expression, other creators letting you know that this experience is all of ours. the vulnerabilities and the tough times, the interesting perspectives of life, the lessons learnt To try to understand, and bettering our quality of survival through these connections Creation of stories, telling people they're not the only ones. This is what we get pleasure from and what makes the overwhelming state of things a lot easier.