from black to grey

I told myself I wouldn't cry this time
But I can't hold the tears
Passersby watching me
As I get off the train, bawling

This time it feels more real than before
Like I can truly let myself free
No more restrictions
No longer holding on to a past me

I feel more awake now
These emotions more controlled
Maybe it's an illusion
But it feels real for now

I don't mind really
I don't need to hold onto past shit
that have wilted way
Growth in opposing directions

I've always been growing
Heading towards light in some twisted way
I might have rough days
But it just.. feels right

I'd rather be true on my own
Than fake in a crowd
That's where I find security
Till I can find someway out

I keep waiting for a text
Always seeking for connection
I'm human after all
It's what we're wired to do

The disappointment that comes
from these reliances
These expectations for more
But none will be enough

I have closure now
To a past, a chapter to cclose
I might meet characters from back then
But they're no longer the main role

Before, we used to be opposite sides to a coin
But now I'm a different currency

The pain of pulling away
The liberation from binding arms
Isolation comes at a cost
The reward of authenticity

I've been running in circles
Seeking validation for my actions
But now...
it's the pure joy of trusting
And following my intuition
I know I'll be okay
That this pain all will fade
And serenity remains.