Ah, another demon inside me. A quite rather complicated one.
The social trend of 'self-care' focuses on self and putting yourself first. People, especially young people, are so affected by the opinions and values of people around them that they lose touch of their authentic self--what makes that individual unique, what they want to change in the world, what they truly want from this journey of life. There is a certain magical quality in looking within yourself what you sought to find in others' validation or external circumstances. It's learning to face that uncertainty, learning that it's okay, and digging deeper to find those core values that you've always had.
But with this comes the risk of misinterpreting this quest for individualism and independence. It's the path towards selfishness and habituation of self-serving actions that often makes our journey come to a dead end. And I definitely have approached this dead end many times.
Because when I used to think of introspection, I often neglected those around me and their opinions-- that included the closest people around me who have been by my side no matter what. I was so 'busy' in finding my purpose that when I finally came to realizations of what I wanted to do and the core fundamental motive behind that aspiration, it was to change the world, help other people and add positivity into this universe.
That's when I reached the ultimate paradox. What kind of arrogant ignorant person was I to think that reaching this grand goal would make me happy when I wasn't even practicing the fundamental motive in everyday life. In other words, it was contradicting of me to want to pursue a career that aimed to influence people's perspective of the world and 'add positive ways of thinking' to the world when I failed to practice even the basic level of empathy towards the people around me. There was something wrong here.
And gradually I began to saw the behavior of those people around me. Before, I used to think it was their problem, their personality wasn't 'friendly' enough or they were taking me for granted. Every single social interaction I had analyzed to the other person's inability to initiate or care for me (I think you can begin to see what's wrong here).
There was so much expectation. And not only that, it was ME based. Looking within myself, listening to my internal voice, I saw the selfishness of my whole viewpoint. How many times had I invited someone to hang out because I was feeling lonely and needed someone to rant to? How many times had I invited numerous people out so it would be a crowd and a good night that I could enjoy, with absolutely no care for each individual person? What did I give back to them? When had I ever given back to them?
We often hear that people can sense your aura and your motives whether you try to display them or not. Different energies will gravitate toward you depending on what kind of energy you emit. So, naturally, people that originally were my closest companions had started to drift away from me and I had blamed it on them. So I had just let it go, thinking it was just not meant to be, that I need to 'focus on myself'.
Understanding your values and beliefs is the first step to independence. But there's something so much more important that independence. And that is interdependence. This practice requires so much more discipline and self-control that independence because we often give into the most comfortable, most satisfying instantaneous action. Because it's so difficult to try to see another person's perspective or story when it does not align at all to your values. And it's so difficult to not butt into that with your own bias and truly just CARE and LISTEN. But understanding reaps far more harmony than one-ended blunt conversations. This is the key to trust and interpersonal growth.
No human lives on their own, we are all here on this earth. Regardless of whether we see the same purpose, we are going through and experiencing the laws of the universe. And I'm a strong believer that an individual is just one cell among trillions of other cells all making up the same organism. There's so much potential for growth that can happen through openness and cooperation. I may not be there yet but I'm certainly watching my thoughts to stop old habits, and soon hope I'll be in an environment of reciprocity.
The social trend of 'self-care' focuses on self and putting yourself first. People, especially young people, are so affected by the opinions and values of people around them that they lose touch of their authentic self--what makes that individual unique, what they want to change in the world, what they truly want from this journey of life. There is a certain magical quality in looking within yourself what you sought to find in others' validation or external circumstances. It's learning to face that uncertainty, learning that it's okay, and digging deeper to find those core values that you've always had.
But with this comes the risk of misinterpreting this quest for individualism and independence. It's the path towards selfishness and habituation of self-serving actions that often makes our journey come to a dead end. And I definitely have approached this dead end many times.
Because when I used to think of introspection, I often neglected those around me and their opinions-- that included the closest people around me who have been by my side no matter what. I was so 'busy' in finding my purpose that when I finally came to realizations of what I wanted to do and the core fundamental motive behind that aspiration, it was to change the world, help other people and add positivity into this universe.
That's when I reached the ultimate paradox. What kind of arrogant ignorant person was I to think that reaching this grand goal would make me happy when I wasn't even practicing the fundamental motive in everyday life. In other words, it was contradicting of me to want to pursue a career that aimed to influence people's perspective of the world and 'add positive ways of thinking' to the world when I failed to practice even the basic level of empathy towards the people around me. There was something wrong here.
And gradually I began to saw the behavior of those people around me. Before, I used to think it was their problem, their personality wasn't 'friendly' enough or they were taking me for granted. Every single social interaction I had analyzed to the other person's inability to initiate or care for me (I think you can begin to see what's wrong here).
There was so much expectation. And not only that, it was ME based. Looking within myself, listening to my internal voice, I saw the selfishness of my whole viewpoint. How many times had I invited someone to hang out because I was feeling lonely and needed someone to rant to? How many times had I invited numerous people out so it would be a crowd and a good night that I could enjoy, with absolutely no care for each individual person? What did I give back to them? When had I ever given back to them?
We often hear that people can sense your aura and your motives whether you try to display them or not. Different energies will gravitate toward you depending on what kind of energy you emit. So, naturally, people that originally were my closest companions had started to drift away from me and I had blamed it on them. So I had just let it go, thinking it was just not meant to be, that I need to 'focus on myself'.
Understanding your values and beliefs is the first step to independence. But there's something so much more important that independence. And that is interdependence. This practice requires so much more discipline and self-control that independence because we often give into the most comfortable, most satisfying instantaneous action. Because it's so difficult to try to see another person's perspective or story when it does not align at all to your values. And it's so difficult to not butt into that with your own bias and truly just CARE and LISTEN. But understanding reaps far more harmony than one-ended blunt conversations. This is the key to trust and interpersonal growth.
No human lives on their own, we are all here on this earth. Regardless of whether we see the same purpose, we are going through and experiencing the laws of the universe. And I'm a strong believer that an individual is just one cell among trillions of other cells all making up the same organism. There's so much potential for growth that can happen through openness and cooperation. I may not be there yet but I'm certainly watching my thoughts to stop old habits, and soon hope I'll be in an environment of reciprocity.
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