When I reflect on my life, I think of how little I take responsibility for my own actions. And not just my past actions but also how this affects how I live my life now.
I think not being able to take responsibility is one of the main sources of my indecisive nature. I always feel that if I make one decision, I will be missing the opportunity for another. So I always turn to external sources to shape my decision for me.
Don't get me wrong, researching and listening to others' experiences for inspiration is important. But when this becomes a source of dependency and habitual reliance, a requirement for decision making, then its a problem.
Coming to terms with this feels very difficult and conflicting for me. I'd like to think I base my judgment off of my own true values and beliefs. But I've come to realize that not accepting and acknowledging my emotional immaturity in this area is not effective for my growth.
Thinking of the more deeper root as to why I rely on the external to make my decision is my inability to prioritize. I can never put one thing over another because I feel that they are all equal, all important and my mind is overwhelmed by this feeling of greed. And then I just end up not making the decision and doing nothing.
But as I've stated in my previous posts, prioritization of a certain task or activity over all the others is what adds significance of that thing in to your life. The ability to choose that, to see enough value in that to put it above others means that it matters to you. Treating every task with equal importance either results in you making no progress towards them or putting so much on your plate that you become overwhelmed and uncertain of which direction to take a step forward.
It's hard to 'throw out' the potential of something that could be. But if you don't do this once in a while you're going to be constantly spreading yourself thin.
I think not being able to take responsibility is one of the main sources of my indecisive nature. I always feel that if I make one decision, I will be missing the opportunity for another. So I always turn to external sources to shape my decision for me.
Don't get me wrong, researching and listening to others' experiences for inspiration is important. But when this becomes a source of dependency and habitual reliance, a requirement for decision making, then its a problem.
Coming to terms with this feels very difficult and conflicting for me. I'd like to think I base my judgment off of my own true values and beliefs. But I've come to realize that not accepting and acknowledging my emotional immaturity in this area is not effective for my growth.
Thinking of the more deeper root as to why I rely on the external to make my decision is my inability to prioritize. I can never put one thing over another because I feel that they are all equal, all important and my mind is overwhelmed by this feeling of greed. And then I just end up not making the decision and doing nothing.
But as I've stated in my previous posts, prioritization of a certain task or activity over all the others is what adds significance of that thing in to your life. The ability to choose that, to see enough value in that to put it above others means that it matters to you. Treating every task with equal importance either results in you making no progress towards them or putting so much on your plate that you become overwhelmed and uncertain of which direction to take a step forward.
It's hard to 'throw out' the potential of something that could be. But if you don't do this once in a while you're going to be constantly spreading yourself thin.
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