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Moving




I’ve been through all these transformations
I’ve changed in ways I never thought possible
And sooner than I expected
I’m truly grateful… but…

I keep thinking back to the things that used to stop me
Maybe its just my environment that’s shaping me
Instead of my intrinsic qualities
Maybe its because I feel so comfortable here
That I can explore all that I want

I hate to admit it
I felt different there
I looked different
I spoke less freely

As much as it seems like home
I didn’t fully integrated with it
I thought ethnicity was a construct
But I feel its deeper than that

Even going back to it now
I can’t say that it doesn’t bother me
The extended stares
The “konnichiwa” at the airport

What if I carry this insecurity with me
Through countries that isn’t my mother country
Will I be as free-thinking
As I feel now?

In another world
I will feel different there
I will look different
I might not be as outspoken

Could I be as open-minded?
Could I be as creative?
I know there’s only one way to know
But I can’t say it doesn’t scare me


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